REPORT: Comcast, NFL to take more of my money this year

This should be good news- The NFL and Comcast have finally reached an end to their bitter legal negotiations.  While exact terms of the deal haven’t been released, this probably means that Comcast subscribers will be able to enjoy on demand programming as well as the mythical, wonderful Red Zone Channel.

As I said, this should be good news.  Now, this fall, there is a chance that I’ll be able to watch any game I want in the comfort of my own home.  I’ll be able to turn on the Red Zone Channel and slump down on my couch, letting touchdown play after touchdown play wash over me.  Sweet, sweet football action.  Mmmmm…

On the other hand, this is the NFL and Comcast we’re talking about.  Only in a bizarro world will this contract now be chock full of money-grabbery and other such fuckery and in a bizarro world I would be a Ravens fan- that is not a world I want to live in.  Paying out the ass is a time honored tradition of NFL and Comcast consumers, stopping that now would just feel wrong anyway.

So rejoice football fans, this is a great day.  I’ll just be over here pureeing these twenty dollar bills so as to more easily pour them down this NFL logo shaped drain.

[via WWL]

Usain Bolt Shatters World Record, I Yawn

Usain Bolt, world record holder in the 100 meter and 200 meter, has- get ready for this shocker- broken the world record in the 150 meters.  Yeah, I just blew your mind.  I know.  He also stumbles a bit at the beginning, runs the first 100 m in 9.9 seconds, then still has enough juice to actually cover the final 50 m faster than that.

Until another competitor emerges, the competition for fastest man in the world isn’t even close to fair.  We need someone to keep this exciting; shit, we need someone to push Bolt to go even faster. We need a Giant Octopus to his Mega Shark.

[via fanhouse]

Never Change, George Brett, Never Change

George Brett is one of the greatest living baseball players.  He’s got the most hits of any Third Baseman ever (3,154) and is one of only four guys to put together 3,000 hits, 300 home runs and a .300 batting average- the others are Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and Stan Musial (maybe you’ve heard of them?).  He’s one of the greats.  While he’s not playing baseball anymore, the man who once said “If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out” hasn’t lost his way with words.  In this case, bad, naughty words:

Let that be a lesson to any other reporters who try to talk reasonably bad about the Kansas City Royals.

A good clip on it’s own, but the real delight is an opportunity to dust off one of the all time greats.  Sit back relax, and let George Brett regale you with a few stories of shitting his pants:

[via Deadspin]

University of Kentucky Wins John Wall Lottery

As the NBA gears up for it’s lottery tonight (ping pong balls!), The University of Kentucky has already won one of it’s own.  John Wall, consensus top point guard in the nation, has thrown in his lot with Kentucky and it’s new smooth talking car salesman of a coach, John Calipari.  He was originally set to join perennial Conference USA steamroller Memphis, but Calipari’s departure put his destination back up in the air.

As high school draft gurus slobbered over him, John Wall played with the idea of going to either Duke (thank god) or the University of Miami (why?), but Calipari was able to convince Wall to follow him to Kentucky.  The once proud basketball program (7 national championships) has fallen on hard times as of late- they missed the NCAA tournament for the first time since the 1990 season.  The arrival of Calipari, Wall, and what is shaping up to be a top twenty recruiting class punches Kentucky’s ticket for March Madness and makes them an immediate contender.

[via WWL]

For examples of the kind of grown-ass-man play that we can expect from Wall next year at Kentucky, please refer to the following:

Hello New World

Looks like it’s about time to get things started around these parts.

I’m jackson and I’ll be running things around here.  If there’s anyone out there (tap-tap), feel free to let me have it in the comments.  In the mean time, I’ll be figuring all this stuff out.

There will be sports.  Nothing else is guaranteed.

Yeah, how do like that manifesto?  What, Russell-Einstein?  Huh?  Yeah, nothing, that’s what I thought.

Ben Gordon’s hamstring, not looking great

Despite the fight that the Chicago Bulls are putting up against the C’s, having Gordon out of the line up can be a major blow to the team.  His heroics at the end of the last game would be sorely missed.